Friday, April 14, 2006

Trite and Meaningless

That's how I feel about my life some days, when I'm not thinking clearly of course.

There have been times when I wondered if I was pissing my life away, I'm not, I'm doing what I want to do, so I can't bitch.

I hate being tied down anyway, I like to keep moving, always.

I have tried a normal life a few times though, the end result was always the same, I got bored, started fucking shit up, lost momentum.

In the off season I don't go out much. I'm pretty much a hermit. I spend my time reading, playing guitar, smoking, and writing meaningless shit.

I have a few friends off the road, not many though, I don't go out enough.

I have the odd girlfriend off the road, but it never lasts, they always get pissed off at me because of the way I live, and am.

I have no structure in the off season, so I could be up all night, and sleep all day, and then the next week turn it all around. This of course burns their ass, my world should revolve around them I guess.

If I start a book, or a website, or writing something, I can go for hours and hours, all fucking night, I don't stop until I'm done. I get up when I want, and sleep when I want, no structure.

I can't count the times I've heard "Honey, get your fucking ass into bed", but I can't, I'm in my zone, there's no place there for anyone else.

I'm an incredibly calm person, it takes a lot to rattle me, this also pisses them off. When they get all bent out of shape about something, especially to do with our relationship, they think I should be, but I can't.

I detatch in times of crisis, it's just the way I am, and it serves me well on the Carnival when everything is super busy and the boss is screaming his fucking head off.

I really don't think I've found my place in the world yet, I'm just on the road till I get there.

No comments: